Friday, December 12, 2008
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By gandj priadi
All that no one sees, you see
what's inside of me
Every nerve that hurts, you heal
deep inside of me
You don't have to speak
I feel emotional landscapes
They puzzle me.. Confused,
then
the riddle gets solved and
you push me up to the
state of emergency
How beautiful to be!
what's inside of me
Every nerve that hurts, you heal
deep inside of me
You don't have to speak
I feel emotional landscapes
They puzzle me.. Confused,
then
the riddle gets solved and
you push me up to the
state of emergency
How beautiful to be!
Friday, December 05, 2008
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By gandj priadi
My love for you, always forever
Just you and me, all else is nothing..
Just you and me, all else is nothing..
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
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By gandj priadi
If you could hear the voice in my heart, it would tell you: “I’m afraid I am alone.”
The red light has been following me, but
don’t worry mother, it’s no longer my gravity.
Sekarang semuanya udah jelas. Terus gmn?
Ternyata ngga seideal yang dibayangin. Tapi itu ga mengubah apapun kan?
Cuma masalah waktu aja. Tapi tetep aja aku disini, tetep aku yang dulu, tetep aku yang sayang semuanya dan disayangi semuanya. Tapi kenapa kalian tiba-tiba jadi merasa asing?
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
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By gandj priadi
Sebulan di tempat baru, lebih nyaman dan menyenangkan rasanya. Ga pernah terbayangkan sama sekali. Alhamdulillah…
Banyak pengetahuan baru, kenalan baru. Tapi untuk meninggalkan sahabat lama di tempat lama, tetep merasa berat. Selalu berharap bisa membawa mereka bersamaku kemanapun aku pergi.
Semoga bisa membuatmu ngga sedih lagi, tapi ini benar : kamu tetep yang nomer satu..
There’ve been few who’ve really known me the way you do.
I wish I could always be at your side to share everything.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
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By gandj priadi
Ada apa dengan Dido VS Dygta? (Judulnya kaya salah satu blog ngetop di multiply hehehe)
Hehehe.. lagi suka banget sama lagu Dido – Don’t Believe In Love. Di intronya, drum dengan bass yang tunenya cool dan jazzy abis. Pas Dido masuk nyanyi bait pertama, rhytm guitar patah-patahnya dengan sayup-sayup mengiringi suara Dido yang (tetep) rendah dan berkesan males-malesan tapi keren.. Wait until you arrive at the reffrain and the solo music… Stringnya memberi kesan ballad yang tragis kaya White Flag.
But.. Beyond all that.. it’s the power of the lyrics which hit me on the head and heart!
Lagu ini bercerita tentang seseorang yang merasa ga nyaman dengan sebuah komitmen, tapi belakangan ketauan kalo ketidaknyamanannya ini dilatarbelakangi dengan ketakutannya atas cinta. Di satu sisi, dia memiliki kesan seorang manusia independen dan self-sufficient. That’s what I always wish to be.
Meskipun demikian, dia tetap mempercayai cinta.. tapi ada saat-saat dimana dia juga ga percaya.. tampak ada sesuatu di masa lalu yang selalu menghantui dan menghalanginya untuk mempercayai cinta seutuhnya.
Jadi kaya switch ON/OFF.. percaya.. ngga.. percaya.. ngga. Kalo switchnya rusak, bakalan berhenti di “percaya” ato “ngga percaya” ya?
Nah… kalo Dygta.. ini lagu lama yang gw baru suka.. hahaha.. judulnya Kesepian. Aduh asli bagus gila liriknya. Suara vokalisnya bagus (jarang-jarang nih). Yang kena banget pas di lirik, “Bebaskan aku dari keadaan ini, sempurnakan hidupku.. dst dst.” Gw mengaplikasikan lirik ini buat keadaan gw yang sangat tidak sempurna ini, dan meminta seseorang untuk mengerti ketidaksempurnaan gw sbg seorang manusia..halah..
Hehehe.. lagi suka banget sama lagu Dido – Don’t Believe In Love. Di intronya, drum dengan bass yang tunenya cool dan jazzy abis. Pas Dido masuk nyanyi bait pertama, rhytm guitar patah-patahnya dengan sayup-sayup mengiringi suara Dido yang (tetep) rendah dan berkesan males-malesan tapi keren.. Wait until you arrive at the reffrain and the solo music… Stringnya memberi kesan ballad yang tragis kaya White Flag.
But.. Beyond all that.. it’s the power of the lyrics which hit me on the head and heart!
Lagu ini bercerita tentang seseorang yang merasa ga nyaman dengan sebuah komitmen, tapi belakangan ketauan kalo ketidaknyamanannya ini dilatarbelakangi dengan ketakutannya atas cinta. Di satu sisi, dia memiliki kesan seorang manusia independen dan self-sufficient. That’s what I always wish to be.
Meskipun demikian, dia tetap mempercayai cinta.. tapi ada saat-saat dimana dia juga ga percaya.. tampak ada sesuatu di masa lalu yang selalu menghantui dan menghalanginya untuk mempercayai cinta seutuhnya.
Jadi kaya switch ON/OFF.. percaya.. ngga.. percaya.. ngga. Kalo switchnya rusak, bakalan berhenti di “percaya” ato “ngga percaya” ya?
Nah… kalo Dygta.. ini lagu lama yang gw baru suka.. hahaha.. judulnya Kesepian. Aduh asli bagus gila liriknya. Suara vokalisnya bagus (jarang-jarang nih). Yang kena banget pas di lirik, “Bebaskan aku dari keadaan ini, sempurnakan hidupku.. dst dst.” Gw mengaplikasikan lirik ini buat keadaan gw yang sangat tidak sempurna ini, dan meminta seseorang untuk mengerti ketidaksempurnaan gw sbg seorang manusia..halah..
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
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By gandj priadi
Pada zaman dahulu kala.. di suatu pagi yang cerah di Pulogadung.. Sekitar tahun 2007 (belum dahulu kala meureun??)..
Tokoh utama kita, seekor anjing jantan putih ras Sheba Inu (halah) bernama Blackie (ironis), sambil menyandang gelar profesi yang cukup berguna namun kurang dikenal (apaan inih) dari institut teknologi yang sangat terkemuka di Bandung menyambangi sebuah perusahaan untuk bekerja dihari pertamanya.
Blackie yang datang dengan malu-malu (namun ganteng) tampak bingung (sekali lagi tetap ganteng) menyikapi suasana kantor yang saat itu masih sepi.. Hanya terdengar sayup-sayup suara vacuum cleaner Pak Iwan yang tetap setia melumati paper klip, serpihan-serpihan kertas, guntingan rambut, dan remah-remah roti (ini kantor, salon, apa taman kanak-kanak?) di sela-sela meja-meja kerja karyawan.
Ternyata kebingungan blackie ini tidak berlangsung lama, Saudara-saudara! (woy.. ini bukan khotbah), karena Blackie segera mengenali sosok akrab (manusia) berkerudung yang sedang sibuk di depan komputernya.. “Hmmm.. buah nangka dimakan jin, tak kusangka dia rajin..” Begitu kira-kira bunyi pantun yang terbersit di pikiran tokoh kita (yang masih dan selalu ganteng ini).
Blackie segera berlari-lari kecil sambil mengibas-ngibaskan debu yang garang menerjang wajah (tampan)nya. Setelah ia sampai disamping meja milik sosok rajin itu, ia segera menyapa, “Guk, guk.. Arrr..Woof guk gak gluduk gluduk!” (hai bubu, kamu rajin banget pagi-pagi udah kerja.. lagi ngerjain apa sih??). Ternyata sosok itu bernama Bubu, wahai para pembaca yang budiman. Bubu tersenyum sambil berkata, “ Hai, Blackie!! Kau sudah datang!! Ayo kita bekerja dengan giat!” (Hmm, sosok ini tampak terlalu idealis). Blackie menjawab,”Guk gak gubrag gubrag!” (artinya.. Yuk!)
Blackie pun pagi itu ditraining oleh bubu untuk mendapatkan sesuatu yang segera mengubah hidupnya : Betapa mudahnya mendapatkan lagu-lagu terbaru maupun lawas dari Multiply.com!
10 menit kemudian, terdengar tapak-tapak kaki dengan birama ¾, namun segera berganti dengan ¼, lalu 2/5, (yang ternyata jika didengarkan dengan seksama langkah kakinya sangat tidak beraturan) mendekati Blackie dan Bubu. Tapak-tapak kaki itu milik seekor anjing labrador campuran anjing kampung batak, nampaknya betina (untuk kepastian jenis kelaminnya akan terungkap sebentar lagi).
Anjing labratak (mix labrador dan batak) itu merengut, tampak pundung melihat Blackie mengambil alih kursi kerjanya. Blackie - yang menganggap rengutan itu sebagai lipatan alami pada wajah seekor anjing betina yang sedang mengalami penuaan dini – segera menyadari kehadirannya. Oleh Bubu, Blackie dikenalkan pada anjing labratak itu. Ternyata dia bernama Plekey (dibaca pleki, bibir atas maju 25 mm).
Kesan pertama Blackie pada Plekey yang berbau menyengat metro mini itu adalah Plekey seekor anjing yang kesepian, tanpa teman dan kelaparan. Sudah bisa dipastikan, kesan Plekey terhadap Blackie adalah kesan yang mendalam tentang sosok seekor anjing yang cool, calm, dan confident.
Hari berganti hari, bulan berganti bulan, keakraban Blackie dan Plekey semakin menarik perhatian. Gosip-gosip berseliweran (halah) dan bertubi-tubi menimpa keduanya. Mulai dari gosip mereka berpacaran, mereka bersaudara, mereka artis ternama, hingga gosip bahwa sebenarnya mereka adalah alien. Namun, Blackie dan Plekey tidak perduli. Mereka bahkan memperluas jaringan dengan merekrut Brengik (seekor lemur bermata besar dan berlesung pipit), Brownie (burung gagak berbulu coklat dan bertahi lalat di atas paruh) dan Sleepy (seekor pinguin yang cerewet). Eksistensi mereka berlima tak terbantahkan dengan mendeklarasikan berdirinya ATM (Anak-anak Teh Manis).
Blackie dan Plekey tetap asyik jaya lenggang kangkung bersahabat dan bersenda gurau, dengan tetap menjaga tradisi berseteru dengan frekuensi 2 minggu sekali. Setiap hari, mereka pergi dan pulang kerja bersama, membeli nasi uduk, bubur kacang, pecel lele.. tertawa terkeren-keren dan selalu bahagia.
Keadaan kantor yang penuh tekanan, penuh derita, penuh kerjaan dan penuh pulang malam terasa ringan bagi Blackie bila ada Plekey disisinya, menemaninya saat makan siang nasi putih dan ikan asin plus pedigree rasa ayam bawang. Plekey yang dahulu tampak malu-malu dan acak-acakan kini menjadi seseanjing yang beda.. Dia kini tampak percaya diri dan selalu lebai.
(To Be Continued)
Saturday, October 04, 2008
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By gandj priadi
Ya Allah, jika aku jatuh cinta,
Cintakanlah aku pada seseorang yang melabuhkan cintanya pada-Mu, agar bertambah kekuatan ku untuk mencintai-Mu.
Ya Muhaimin,
Jika aku jatuh cinta, jagalah cintaku padanya agar tidak melebihi cintaku pada-Mu
Ya Allah, jika aku jatuh hati,
Izinkanlah aku menyentuh hati seseorang yang hatinya tertaut pada-Mu, agar tidak terjatuh aku dalam jurang cinta semu.
Ya Rabbana, jika aku jatuh hati,
Jagalah hatiku padanya agar tidak berpaling pada hati-Mu.
Ya Rabbul Izzati, jika aku rindu,
Rindukanlah aku pada seseorang yang merindui syahid di jalan-Mu.
Ya Allah, jika aku rindu,
Jagalah rinduku padanya agar tidak lalai aku merindukan syurga-Mu.
Ya Allah,
Jika aku menikmati cinta kekasih-Mu, janganlah kenikmatan itu melebihi kenikmatan indahnya bermunajat di sepertiga malam terakhirmu.
Ya Allah, jika aku jatuh hati pada kekasih-Mu,
Jangan biarkan aku tertatih dan terjatuh dalam perjalanan panjang menyeru manusia kepada-Mu.
Ya Allah, jika Kau halalkan aku merindui kekasih-Mu,
Jangan biarkan aku melampaui batas sehingga melupakan aku pada cinta hakiki dan rindu abadi hanya kepada-Mu.
Ya Allah,
Engkau mengetahui bahwa hati-hati ini telah berhimpun dalam cinta pada-Mu, telah berjumpa pada taat pada-Mu, telah bersatu dalam dakwah pada-MU, telah berpadu dalam membela syariat-Mu. Kokohkanlah ya Allah ikatannya. Kekalkanlah cintanya. Tunjukilah jalan-jalannya. Penuhilah hati-hati ini dengan nur-Mu yang tiada pernah pudar. Lapangkanlah dada-dada kami dengan limpahan keimanan kepada-Mu dan keindahan bertawakal di jalan-Mu.
Jazakallaah yaa ukhti izzah : http://izzah-sy.blog.friendster.com/
Cintakanlah aku pada seseorang yang melabuhkan cintanya pada-Mu, agar bertambah kekuatan ku untuk mencintai-Mu.
Ya Muhaimin,
Jika aku jatuh cinta, jagalah cintaku padanya agar tidak melebihi cintaku pada-Mu
Ya Allah, jika aku jatuh hati,
Izinkanlah aku menyentuh hati seseorang yang hatinya tertaut pada-Mu, agar tidak terjatuh aku dalam jurang cinta semu.
Ya Rabbana, jika aku jatuh hati,
Jagalah hatiku padanya agar tidak berpaling pada hati-Mu.
Ya Rabbul Izzati, jika aku rindu,
Rindukanlah aku pada seseorang yang merindui syahid di jalan-Mu.
Ya Allah, jika aku rindu,
Jagalah rinduku padanya agar tidak lalai aku merindukan syurga-Mu.
Ya Allah,
Jika aku menikmati cinta kekasih-Mu, janganlah kenikmatan itu melebihi kenikmatan indahnya bermunajat di sepertiga malam terakhirmu.
Ya Allah, jika aku jatuh hati pada kekasih-Mu,
Jangan biarkan aku tertatih dan terjatuh dalam perjalanan panjang menyeru manusia kepada-Mu.
Ya Allah, jika Kau halalkan aku merindui kekasih-Mu,
Jangan biarkan aku melampaui batas sehingga melupakan aku pada cinta hakiki dan rindu abadi hanya kepada-Mu.
Ya Allah,
Engkau mengetahui bahwa hati-hati ini telah berhimpun dalam cinta pada-Mu, telah berjumpa pada taat pada-Mu, telah bersatu dalam dakwah pada-MU, telah berpadu dalam membela syariat-Mu. Kokohkanlah ya Allah ikatannya. Kekalkanlah cintanya. Tunjukilah jalan-jalannya. Penuhilah hati-hati ini dengan nur-Mu yang tiada pernah pudar. Lapangkanlah dada-dada kami dengan limpahan keimanan kepada-Mu dan keindahan bertawakal di jalan-Mu.
Jazakallaah yaa ukhti izzah : http://izzah-sy.blog.friendster.com/
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
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By gandj priadi
I miss you, Everything falls down on me when you’re not near.. everything goes wrong when you’re not here.
It seems like I cant make things right, even though I know how.
I’ve got my two feet to walk, but you’re the bounce of my steps.
You’re my energy that’s far.. see why I’m partially living and half-dead.
It seems like I cant make things right, even though I know how.
I’ve got my two feet to walk, but you’re the bounce of my steps.
You’re my energy that’s far.. see why I’m partially living and half-dead.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
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By gandj priadi
Yes I know that failure happens. After a long or short sequence of successes, we must lose. On a long nice trip, you slip and go off track. You may swing high, but you must fall down.
But what if those losses are somebody else’s… Which become big bad rocks pulling you down to fall? Things become more perfect when everyone is picking on you and putting you in a blame light spot.. harsh stare and words are cast in you.
It’s not fair.. but how should I demand for it out of the unfair world we’re living in?
I actually could just defend against them, but I’m afraid I would point my finger to someplace else. Why can’t I stand for myself?
But what if those losses are somebody else’s… Which become big bad rocks pulling you down to fall? Things become more perfect when everyone is picking on you and putting you in a blame light spot.. harsh stare and words are cast in you.
It’s not fair.. but how should I demand for it out of the unfair world we’re living in?
I actually could just defend against them, but I’m afraid I would point my finger to someplace else. Why can’t I stand for myself?
Saturday, August 23, 2008
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By gandj priadi
However many thousands of miles may part between us
However much I long for you I know in my heart we each trust
That someday soon we'll find ourselves arm in arm,
That each night's moon brings us one day closer to the other's charm
Still thinking of you, my love,
still leaping at the thought of touching you.
A thousand miles or dozens of days,
Knowing always that my life you've saved;
Knowing we'll be together is my greatest thrill,
No matter how many miles between us, I'm loving you still.
(Demetz)
However much I long for you I know in my heart we each trust
That someday soon we'll find ourselves arm in arm,
That each night's moon brings us one day closer to the other's charm
Still thinking of you, my love,
still leaping at the thought of touching you.
A thousand miles or dozens of days,
Knowing always that my life you've saved;
Knowing we'll be together is my greatest thrill,
No matter how many miles between us, I'm loving you still.
(Demetz)
Monday, August 18, 2008
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By gandj priadi
I met my ex couple nights ago at some cafe, unexpectedly. What happened was we starred at each other and just when i was going to say "Hi! It's me!! Wow.. How ru doing etc etc"..
She just *Woooomph*.. disappeared.
What happened to her? She must have seen my existence! (you know.. eyes contact and everything.. well, only eyes contact actually)
Did she suffer short-term memory loss syndrom like Dory* has? That she forgot the incident of how we looked at each other's eyes two seconds before?
We are grown up, we were grown up when we broke up, we even laughed at it (if i'm not mistaken, or is it another break-up? Hmmm...)
But is there a problem with me?
Of course I miss all the things we once had, and i appreciate good things! And if they're not good things, i always look at the brightside of bad things! If there is any!
Hmmm... That's too bad; i wanted to know how she's doing..
I also wanted to show her how beautiful my life has been particularly after we separated.. LOL
*Dory is Paracanthurus hepatus, commonly known as the regal tang, is an average-sized colorful reef fish belonging to the family Acanthuridae.. A popular fish in marine aquaria, it is the only member of the genus Paracanthurus. She starred the Finding Nemo movie. (Wikipedia)
She just *Woooomph*.. disappeared.
What happened to her? She must have seen my existence! (you know.. eyes contact and everything.. well, only eyes contact actually)
Did she suffer short-term memory loss syndrom like Dory* has? That she forgot the incident of how we looked at each other's eyes two seconds before?
We are grown up, we were grown up when we broke up, we even laughed at it (if i'm not mistaken, or is it another break-up? Hmmm...)
But is there a problem with me?
Of course I miss all the things we once had, and i appreciate good things! And if they're not good things, i always look at the brightside of bad things! If there is any!
Hmmm... That's too bad; i wanted to know how she's doing..
I also wanted to show her how beautiful my life has been particularly after we separated.. LOL
*Dory is Paracanthurus hepatus, commonly known as the regal tang, is an average-sized colorful reef fish belonging to the family Acanthuridae.. A popular fish in marine aquaria, it is the only member of the genus Paracanthurus. She starred the Finding Nemo movie. (Wikipedia)
Monday, August 18, 2008
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By gandj priadi
My friends in college called me "gandj", the short form of "gandjar", my middle name.
Not long after, it turned out to be put in writing as "gunch".. and so now everybody calls me that name. "Gandj", but with "CH"
I never had this idea of typing my "gunch" name in google, i just thought i might found someone with the same name, or find my blog, my friendster, or something else.. but this one really shocked and surprised me!!
Oh..
My...
God...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Gunch :
1. Worst word ever. A gunch is the epitome of everything dirty and nasty. 2. A dirty c**t.
What????
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH
(obviously my surprised expression was not as cute as Macaulay Culkin had in this photo attached)
I felt dispoiled, violated, dishonored... LOL
For your info there were people with real "gunch" names also.. a photographer, a profile in myspace.. DO THEY KNOW ABOUT THIS?
Searching the wikipedia resulted none.
Hmmm.. then i thought "Should i still use that name?"
While i was thinking.. I changed this blog url..
LOL
Not long after, it turned out to be put in writing as "gunch".. and so now everybody calls me that name. "Gandj", but with "CH"
I never had this idea of typing my "gunch" name in google, i just thought i might found someone with the same name, or find my blog, my friendster, or something else.. but this one really shocked and surprised me!!
Oh..
My...
God...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Gunch :
1. Worst word ever. A gunch is the epitome of everything dirty and nasty. 2. A dirty c**t.
What????
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH
(obviously my surprised expression was not as cute as Macaulay Culkin had in this photo attached)
I felt dispoiled, violated, dishonored... LOL
For your info there were people with real "gunch" names also.. a photographer, a profile in myspace.. DO THEY KNOW ABOUT THIS?
Searching the wikipedia resulted none.
Hmmm.. then i thought "Should i still use that name?"
While i was thinking.. I changed this blog url..
LOL
Thursday, August 07, 2008
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By gandj priadi
Lordy, don't leave me
all by myself.
So many times i'm down,
with the ground.
(In This World, MOBY)
this is one of masterpieces ever created by Moby, a technopop artist popular in late 90s. The sadness atmosphere it brings will bring u tears and touch ur heart as ur heart listens.
all by myself.
So many times i'm down,
with the ground.
(In This World, MOBY)
this is one of masterpieces ever created by Moby, a technopop artist popular in late 90s. The sadness atmosphere it brings will bring u tears and touch ur heart as ur heart listens.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
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By gandj priadi
It is now midnight,
where i am feeling sick, cold,
tired and ached in legs,
irritated in nostrils,
burdened in mind.
lots of things,
too many things,
left uncontrolled.
But i am not alone,
God apparently shows me love.
where i am feeling sick, cold,
tired and ached in legs,
irritated in nostrils,
burdened in mind.
lots of things,
too many things,
left uncontrolled.
But i am not alone,
God apparently shows me love.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
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By gandj priadi
See.. I have been friended with this unsubstantial living creature for like a month, who is living in Bandung taking magister in Biochemistry, who is a chef, a laborer, a student, a lab scientist, a writer..
If i can keep a secret, i'll be a secret admirer.. but since this "Blunt-talking and straight shooting" mode is running in my blood.. i just can't.
And there set the limit, to admiration and comfy and contigous conversation, not more than that.
Or should i just stop right here?
Monday, August 04, 2008
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By gandj priadi
Ever had a nightmare which effected like living horror to you, you're trying hard to scream for help or shout a prayer but you felt like freezed?
Believe it or not, your body is virtually paralyzed during your sleep - most likely to prevent your body from acting out aspects of your dreams. According to the Wikipedia article on dreaming, “Glands begin to secrete a hormone that helps induce sleep and neurons send signals to the spinal cord which cause the body to relax and later become essentially paralyzed.”
Thursday, July 31, 2008
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By gandj priadi
Oleh : Neno Warisman - 'Izinkan Aku Bertutur'
Ketika lahir, anak lelakiku gelap benar kulitnya, Lalu kubilang pada ayahnya: "Subhanallah, dia benar-benar mirip denganmu ya!" Suamiku menjawab: "Bukankah sesuai keinginanmu? Kau yang bilang kalau anak lelaki ingin seperti aku." Aku mengangguk. Suamiku kembali bekerja seperti biasa.
Ketika bayi kecilku berulang tahun pertama, aku mengusulkan perayaannya dengan mengkhatam kan Al Quran di rumah Lalu kubilang pada suamiku: "Supaya ia menjadi penghafal Kitabullah ya,Yah." Suamiku menatap padaku seraya pelan berkata: "Oh ya. Ide bagus itu."
Bayi kami itu, kami beri nama Ahmad, mengikuti panggilan Rasulnya. Tidak berapa lama, ia sudah pandai memanggil-manggil kami berdua: Ammaa. Apppaa. Lalu ia menunjuk pada dirinya seraya berkata: Ammat! Maksudnya ia Ahmad. Kami berdua sangat bahagia dengan kehadirannya.
Ahmad tumbuh jadi anak cerdas, persis seperti papanya. Pelajaran matematika sederhana sangat mudah dikuasainya. Ah, papanya memang jago matematika. Ia kebanggaan keluarganya. Sekarang pun sedang S3 di bidang Matematika.
Ketika Ahmad ulang tahun kelima, kami mengundang keluarga. Berdandan rapi kami semua. Tibalah saat Ahmad menjadi bosan dan agak mengesalkan. Tiba-tiba ia minta naik ke punggung papanya. Entah apa yang menyebabkan papanya begitu berang, mungkin menganggap Ahmad sudah sekolah, sudah terlalu besar untuk main kuda-kudaan, atau lantaran banyak tamu dan ia kelelahan.
Badan Ahmad terhempas ditolak papanya, wajahnya merah, tangisnya pecah, Muhammad terluka hatinya di hari ulang tahunnya kelima. Sejak hari itu, Ahamad jadi pendiam. Murung ke sekolah, menyendiri di rumah. Ia tak lagi suka bertanya, dan ia menjadi amat mudah marah.
Aku coba mendekati suamiku, dan menyampaikan alasanku. Ia sedang menyelesaikan papernya dan tak mau diganggu oleh urusan seremeh itu, katanya.
Tahun demi tahun berlalu. Tak terasa Ahmad telah selesai S1. Pemuda gagah, pandai dan pendiam telah membawakan aku seorang mantu dan seorang cucu. Ketika lahir, cucuku itu, istrinya berseru sambil tertawa-tawa lucu: "Subhanallah! Kulitnya gelap, Mas, persis seperti kulitmu!"
Ahmad menoleh dengan kaku, tampak ia tersinggung dan merasa malu. "Salahmu. Kamu yang ingin sendiri, kan. Kalau lelaki ingin seperti aku!" Di tanganku, terajut ruang dan waktu. Terasa ada yang pedih di hatiku. Ada yang mencemaskan aku. Cucuku pulang ke rumah, bulan berlalu.
Kami, nenek dan kakeknya, datang bertamu. Ahmad kecil sedang digendong ayahnya. Menangis ia. Tiba-tiba Ahmad anakku menyergah sambil berteriak menghentak, "Ah, gimana sih, kok nggak dikasih pampers anak ini!" Dengan kasar disorongkannya bayi mungil itu.
Suamiku membaca korannya, tak tergerak oleh suasana. Ahmad, papa bayi ini, segera membersihkan dirinya di kamar mandi.
Aku, wanita tua, ruang dan waktu kurajut dalam pedih duka seorang istri dan seorang ibu. Aku tak sanggup lagi menahan gelora di dada ini.Pecahlah tangisku serasa sudah berabad aku menyimpannya.
Aku rebut koran di tangan suamiku dan kukatakan padanya: "Dulu kau hempaskan Ahmad di lantai itu! Ulang tahun ke lima, kau ingat? Kau tolak ia merangkak di punggungmu! Dan ketika aku minta kau perbaiki, kau bilang kau sibuk sekali. Kau dengar? Kau dengar anakmu tadi? Dia tidak suka dipipisi. Dia asing dengan anaknya sendiri!"
Allahumma Shali ala Muhammad. Allahumma Shalli alaihi
wassalaam.
Aku ingin anakku menirumu, wahai Nabi. Engkau membopong cucu-cucumu di punggungmu, engkau bermain berkejaran dengan mereka Engkau bahkan menengok seorang anak yang burung peliharaannya mati. Dan engkau pula yang berkata ketika seorang ibu merenggut bayinya dari gendonganmu, "Bekas najis ini bisa kuseka, tetapi apakah kau bisa menggantikan saraf halus yang putus di kepalanya?"
Aku memandang suamiku yang terpaku. Aku memandang anakku yang tegak diam bagai karang tajam. Kupandangi keduanya, berlinangan air mata. Aku tak boleh berputus asa dari Rahmat-Mu, ya Allah, bukankah begitu?
Lalu kuambil tangan suamiku, meski kaku, kubimbing ia mendekat kepada Ahmad. Kubawa tangannya menyisir kepala anaknya, yang berpuluh tahun tak merasakan sentuhan tangan seorang ayah yang didamba.
Dada Ahmad berguncang menerima belaian. Kukatakan di hadapan mereka berdua, "Lakukanlah ini, permintaan seorang yang akan dijemput ajal yang tak mampu mewariskan apa-apa: kecuali Cinta. Lakukanlah, demi setiap anak lelaki yang akan lahir dan menurunkan keturunan demi keturunan. Lakukanlah, untuk sebuah perubahan besar di rumah tangga kita! Juga di permukaan dunia.
Tak akan pernah ada perdamaian selama anak laki-laki tak diajarkan rasa kasih dan sayang, ucapan kemesraan, sentuhan dan belaian, bukan hanya pelajaran untuk menjadi jantan seperti yang kalian pahami. Kegagahan tanpa perasaan.
Dua laki-laki dewasa mengambang air di mata mereka. Dua laki-laki
dewasa dan seorang wanita tua terpaku di tempatnya. Memang tak mudah untuk
berubah. Tapi harus dimulai. Aku serahkan bayi Ahmad ke pelukan suamiku.
Aku bilang: "Tak ada kata terlambat untuk mulai, Sayang."
Dua laki-laki dewasa itu kini belajar kembali. Menggendong bersama, bergantian menggantikan popoknya, pura-pura merancang hari depan si bayi Kini tawa mereka memenuhi rongga dadaku yang sesak oleh bahagia, syukur pada-Mu Ya Allah! Engkaulah penolong satu-satunya ketika semua jalan tampak buntu. Engkaulah cahaya di ujung keputusasaanku.
Tiga laki-laki dalam hidupku aku titipkan mereka di tangan-Mu. Kelak, jika aku boleh bertemu dengannya, Nabiku, aku ingin sekali berkata: Ya, Nabi. aku telah mencoba sepenuh daya tenaga untuk mengajak mereka semua menirumu!
Amin, alhamdulillah
Thursday, July 31, 2008
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By gandj priadi
I've been listening to this album for the last couple months.. it's called "Flavors of Entanglement". And personally, i'll give all the 5 stars i'm loaded with!
After several years, she's returned to the pissed off heartbroken Alanis I met on Jagged Little Pill and Under Rug Swept. Only this time around she's more mature, knows the musical direction she wants to take and is doing so with her latest release Flavors of Entanglement.
This album contains the singer-songwriter's latest burst of creativity which was fueled by the end of her four-year relationship with actor Ryan Reynolds. This is a heartfelt record, a sweet sound covered by grief.. a crave for something that's just not there anymore, but also a gratitude for what she has been left with, and a hope.
My first favorite song is certainly "Underneath". It may boast tougher beats than previous singles, but it's still the ruthlessly effective radio rock I've come to expect from her. It has beautiful and deep thought also.
"This song speaks to my belief that instead of my focusing on systematic stuff that shows up out there (wars between nations, what's happening in the government, the governmental structure itself, what's happening out there) that I'd much prefer to put my energy into shifting what's going on in here. Trusting that the shifts that happen here will inevitably show up as a mirror out there. So while there are some really generous people who are focusing on shifting so some of the symptoms help human beings, my general focus usually turns towards taking as much responsibility for my own humanness so that I can be more loving frankly and I trust that that shows up out there and collectively as we are all shifting, the planet shifts as we do."
Alanis - Nissan Live Sets on Yahoo! Music
In brief, start inside you, and from simplest things.
One heart-breaking song is called "Not As We", i think it tells about rising up after breaking up. There were two of them, but now there is only her.
(From scratch, begin again.. but this time I as "i"
And not as "we")
She admitted that most of this album was inspired by/written during the middle of her break-up with Ryan. I assume this song is part of that. Just like her version of "My Humps", she is best doing songs with simple piano ballads like this one.
"Moratorium" uses swirling synths and space-age bleeps to distract from quirky Morissette grammaticisms: "I've never let my grasp soften fingers like this." or "I declare a moratorium on things relationship." Such an open revealing.
And there's one track i'm crazy about : Version of Violence.
Alanis is incorporated her unique voice against guitar driven licks overdubbed with interesting beats and synths. The song is a mix of angry guitar rhythms in the chorus with a doubled vocal while the verses use a deep vocal tone against various keyboard sounds. Roar!
"Tapes" is another thing. I love this song. The chorus is so catchy and beautifully sung. It's a nice contrast to the more techno-ish side to this album.
"I am someone easy to leave"
"Even easier to forget"
a voice, if inaccurate.
Again: "I'm the one they all run from"
diatribes of clouded sun
someone help me find the pause button
All these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head aren't my own
Wreaking havoc
I think this song really hits the spot; we all have these "tapes" playing on repeat within ourselves, making us weaker and less capable... how do we overcome them? Hmmm.. sounds like an answer to my previous blog :)
There is SO much worthless crap out there, has been for years. Every once in a while a little gem comes along and this is for sure one. All the songs are different. Seriously, people- if you want to be rejuvinated from the crap that clogs the music industry, buy the album. Eastern beats, electric guitars, raw lyrics.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
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By gandj priadi
The world we're living in is full of demanding people! Ever thought about it?
They push me beyond my capability, you know.. like making u work just when u're about taking naps! LOL
they want you to run, when you're being snail.
they want you to acknowledge everything, when you're being such a dumbass.
they want you to spend all your time doing what they tell u, when there is serious lack of time in your life to do what you really want to.
they want you to be perfect, when you're only a human who has done your best!
Duhh!!!
dont be perfect, be excellent.. i respect myself when i'm going wrong!
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